Losing My Identity

What defines you? Is it your actions? Things you say? Places you’ve been? What makes you unique in all that you do? Today I had a part of me ripped away; I lost part of my identity.

This may sound crazy, but I have recently been bumming about leaving the west coast. Growing up in Florida I never imagined that I would live in California never the less San Francisco of all places, I was just a little too conservative. After my time at KU, checking out to the left coast seemed much more appealing than a drive back home to Florida, California here I came. I spent almost 3 years in California. Looking back on it, I am sure that they will be some of the best years of my life. I met so many different kinds of people and really opened up my eyes to life in a way I never thought possible. Living in the Bay Area gave me so much of an education in humanities further than any text book could. It is truly amazing how so many different people can interact on one geographical area. In the end, San Francisco became my friend in every sense of the word. Loyal, interesting, and charismatic are a few words that double as a description of the city and a great pal. I would often enjoy my free days in the city just wandering around by myself discovering it’s endless quirks. SF is a place like no other in the world.

I recently took my real estate exam. As apart of the licensing process, one must obtain a Florida drivers license. As I scheduled my DMV appointment, it was going to require something of me I was trying to avoid. I had to surrender my California driver’s license that I had possessed for a little over two years. I was not happy about this at all. Before my appointment today, I tried to conjure up different stories that would enable to retain a little piece of California I had carried around in my wallet for the past 7 months. I am not a very good liar, which ultimately meant I had to face the inevitable: I was going to lose my identity and there was no going back.

As I approached the counter I felt like a martyr walking to the gallows. I knew that these were the last moments I would be able to whip out that funny looking license and draw the attention of all Fl natives who observed it. I was assimilating into the Floridian culture much to my dismay. Gone now are the trips to Fisherman’s Wharf and Marina district. Gone are the drives up the Pacific Coast Highway and across the Golden Gate Bridge. No longer shall I taste the wine squeezed from grapes I had become all too familiar with. In a final plea I begged with the worker for me to retain the ID, but she would not budge. She quickly confiscated the contra band ID and sliced it in two pieces with the precision of a guillotine blade. And just like that it was over. Three years of my life cut in half and discarded forever.

As I received my new ID, I quickly put it in my wallet. I knew that it would not fill the recent void in the same way its’ predecessor had. Slowly but surely I am sure I will begin to welcome this newfound identity and embrace its ways. It is hard for me to believe that it was just 10 yrs ago that I left this very same address, my life has changed so much since then.

Now is the time for new beginnings and adventures. I will have to find new streets to call my friends’ and replace wine grapes with fresh squeezed Orange Juice…I guess it is healthier for you anyway!!

Joe Joe the Wiz

My nephew Joseph is going to be a freaking computer genius. My brother has always been amazing on computers; there is a ton of truth in saying about the apple and the tree. (Although they are not a Mac family…ha ha…I gotta start writing this stuff down)

I got to spend the day with my brother and his family. Again this is the reason I moved back to Florida, as it was a great way to spend a Sunday. My nephew Joe is only 4, yet he knows how to navigate the web like a season vet. Hew took me to his own computer which runs on Microsoft Vista…this hasn’t even come out yet…. He took me to his favorite websites like it was yesterday’s news. At one point I forgot that I was talking to a 4 yr old and started to ask him questions about the graphics card? He just stared at me, oh yeah, you are 4yrs old, most adults don’t know what a graphics card does. Little Joe will be going into Pre-K in a couple of weeks. I can’t imagine his teacher will be able to teacher him much. This kid is going to be something special, some kind of genius…just like his Uncle!!

Out of Touch

The past couple of nights have been very disappointing for me. I have always heard the old saying of “Use it or Lose it”. I have associated this saying with talents that I had worked to achieve such as musical ability and basketball. I have always been rather competitive in these areas even if I took an extended period of time away. But these are not the areas of my disappointment.

Pool: I used to be The Miz

On Friday night I met some friends out and we played a few games of pool. I did not realize how badly my game had gotten. In the matter of a year I had gone from a decent player, to absolute garbage with a pool cue in my hand. It was rather embarrassing as the girls we were with made me look like I have never played the game before. My first shot consisted of me missing the ball I was aiming for and launching the cue ball around table. The worst part is that I began this episode by explaing to my friends how I would destroy them. Open mouth, insert das boot.

Result: Lost all four games I played in including twice to an all female team.

Bowling: They don’t call me Kingpin for nothing.

As if I did not learn my lesson enough on Friday night. Last night we went bowling. Again I began to explain to people how I was a decent bowler. My first throw rocketed down the lane and went directly into the gutter!! I followed that in the next frame with a double goose egg. They call me Big O, but it should be Big Zer-O after that performance. My bowling skills disappeared faster than government surplus from the Clinton administration.

Result: 94 pins of a 160+ average.

Darts: Does Anybody Really Throw Straight?

My English roots lead me into playing darts / cricket back in college. My uncle is a nationally ranked player in England and he showed me a couple of tricks. I thought of all games I would be able to hold my own in this. WRONG, WRONG. This was by far the worst of the three experiences. My darts were hitting everything but the board. I spent more time putting the broken pieces back together than I did throwing them.

Result: DNF frustration reached an all time high.

All of these games were played in front of some people who were eager to point out my deficiencies. This only added to my frustration. I lost my touch, but I am determined to get back what was once mine.

A Redwood Tree vs Zues...Who Wins?

I am not a fan of lightning. As a kid, I would sleep in my parent’s bed whenever I heard the thunder or saw the flashing of light. Once the lightning got too close, I would knock on my parent’s bedroom door. I now understand why my father would be upset with me each night there was a storm, this happened about once or twice a week for 3 or 4 years!!

Tonight as I drove back from the airport I was marveled by a tremendous storm. Every 10 – 15 seconds, the sky would illuminate with electric bolts. Zeus was very angry tonight!! Last night over 20,000 bolts were recorded in the Central Florida area. As I was driving home through the storm, I began to feel a little overwhelmed. My hands were at 10 & 2 on the wheel and I began to revert to the small child within me wanting to knock on the door.

A little over a year ago I took a trip to John Muir Woods. This is a national forest located about 20 miles north of San Francisco. It was one of the most amazing places on earth. John Muir Woods features an entire colony of Redwood trees spanning a few hundred acres. Redwood trees are the tallest on earth. They can grow up to be over 360+ ft high and have a lifespan of 1100+ yrs. As I walked around this national park, pure amazement was an understatement of how I felt. I was with a friend and we caught up to a ranger tour telling all about the forest and its famous trees. As the ranger recited facts upon facts she mentioned a special niche that I will never forget. Redwood trees do not burn. As if I was astonished enough by the sheer size and height of these trees, the fact that they are naturally fireproof threw me for a loop. How is this possible I asked?? Redwood trees produce a chemical in their sap called tannin that makes their wood almost impossible to burn and immune to fire. Around the turn of the century loggers almost put these trees into extinction because of this amazing characteristic. A lumber that could stand up to any fire was priceless then as it is now. California Redwood trees were manufactured and shipped all over the world. Thankfully the government stepped in to protect the trees and preserve certain areas as national parks.

On the tour I had to ask another question about lightning and the trees. Being so tall, it would seem inevitable that a tree would get struck, and subsequently catch on fire? The ranger informed that the tree actually do get hit, but are immune to the fire once again. A little damage may occur, but overall they can survive any thunderstorm with out a fret of lighting.

At the end of the book of Job, God appears to Job and begins to explain to him the creation. God tells job how the mountains, trees, and all the animals that inhabit the earth were made. God explains the joys in making each item unique and special, and how this infinite wisdom was beyond our comprehension and understanding. I am sure that God made these redwood trees immune to fire just to keep things interesting! As I said before God must have a sense of humor as we try to figure out how this all got here!!

As my mind returned from a brief daydream and began to refocus on the road ahead, I felt once again connected to the creator. God made the Redwood trees just the same way you and I were made, special and unique. We all have fears. We all have danger about us. We are all also special in someway. Although I am pretty sure no one is fireproof, we all have been given special talents like no one else in the world. We all are our own little Redwood trees; we just have to find our niche!!

BW

Birthday Wish

Today I pray my birthday wish will come true.

Peace to all mankind.

As a birthday present for me, could you say a little prayer that this will be achieved someday soon? I realize it would take quite a bit of effort all over the world, but the images that are flooding in are staggering. The next few days and weeks could prove to be important for stability in regions all over the planet. The world has seen enough lives being lost through natural disasters and disease; we do not need bombs to take away any more. Say a little prayer for me today for world peace all over the world. North Korea, the African nations at war, the Middle East, India & Pakistan, and all other places where people speak with bullets rather than words of love. They need your thoughts, they need your prayers!!

This would be the greatest present I could ever ask for!!

I got a secret!!

Can you keep a secret? Really, if someone tells you something, does it go in the vault?? If you then tell that secret to your best friend, did you really keep that secret? The ability to share information with one another is a show of knowledge. If knowledge equals power, than the knowledge of secrets creates even more power.

A secret can be a very powerful bit of information. It can be used to manipulate a situation or given the upper hand in a business deal. It could drive one to extreme measures to keep it hidden or told in efforts to relieve ones personal torment. The variations of secret are as complex as the secrets themselves. Still, we all have them, and we all fear ‘em.

I love reading people’s bio, especially when they say that they have no secrets. That is just a bold face lie. As always, those people are the ones with the most to hide. We all have things in our lives that we are either not proud of, or too prideful to let be known. It is interesting to examine your own personal secrets. I have found that it is not the secret itself that is difficult to deal with as much as it is the thought of ridicule you might receive for revealing it.

The classic case of this is the Clinton – Lewinsky scandal. One secret told over the phone, led to a national media zoo over something that was supposed to be “on the DL”!! However, this incident proved how one little secret could define a generation’s view of sex, sexual relations, and it’s place in American politics. Monica’s faith in Linda Tripp proved to be her downfall much more than the relationship itself. I am sure if she had to do it all over again, she would have just called to hello!!

One of my friends is in the Masonic Lodge. He is open about some of the items that go on, but is very selective in what information he will divulge. I find it fascinating that the secrets of the lodge have gone on for so long without the truth being exposed. I guess some people are better at keeping secrets than others.

In the mafia, a person who cannot keep a secret is often called a rat or snitch. They are subsequently put in the witness protection program to conceal their identity from those who would harm them. In doing this, they lose everything they have because they told a secret. That seems like a pretty hefty price to pay for information, but I guess that is what you have to do if you can’t keep a secret.

I wonder if we would be more inclined to tell our secrets if we knew the person we told them to would be like a mason and take it with them to the grave. I think the greatest fear for most of us is that they would rat us out and then disappear, without any accountability for their actions.

Who can you trust?? Does any one person know all of your secrets?? I have always felt that if they put all of my friends in a room, they might be able to find out everything about me, but it would take a large room and a ton of time!! I am also pondering how many secrets I know, have I been good about keeping those?? Have I ever passed on a secret in thinking that it was going to be confided to another without really knowing the other person’s intent?? These are all questions I am asking myself as I am beginning to re-categorize my friends. I think similar to the Masonic lodge; you have friends in different levels or degree’s of depth. Those who you could trust with your deepest darkest secrets, and those who wouldn’t tell your phone number. Is this a true litmus test of friendship?? Do secrets define your relationship with the ones closest to you?? I hope not.

The real reason I am writing this is because I got a bit of news today from someone who I thought was a friend. I can’t really say that they were keeping a secret from me, but I felt that they really could have revealed the information much earlier then when they did. Should I be upset?? After I got the message, I was not upset about the information in the message as much as I the fact that I was the last to know. Is this not a insult in so many ways, or I am turning this into something more than it needs to be?

Sussudio

It is funny how when you are young you do things that you just have to laugh about when you get older. I grew up in the 80’s. I‘m a product of Run DMC and hair bands, with a little left over 70’s soul on the side. As I listen to these tunes now, I realize all the words I was singing…I realize why my mom would not let me sing ”like a virgin”!! I thought it was a catchy tune, but I realize a little inappropriate for a 6yr old to be singing.

In college I sang in a men’s glee club. It was the first time I took singing seriously. The conductor of the choir not only made us learn the notes and rhythms, but we were required to translate from whatever language into English. We would sing songs from all genres including liturgical music. One of my favorite pieces was a version of “Kyrie Eleison”, this also happened to be the same name as on of my favorite 80’s tune.

A “Kyrie” is one of the oldest traditions in liturgical music. Translated, it simply means, “Lord, have mercy”. The song by Mr. Mister made so much more sense after I found out the true meaning of the words. One of the beautiful aspects of music is its ability to inspire throughout the generations, but it can reach people in so many ways. It can be timeless, just as a work of art. As you are evolving, so does your appreciation for the art. Now if I can just find out what “Sussudio” means??

360

July 4th 360


Last night I made a little fireworks of my own…the real fireworks, not the kind you brag to your boys about!! My overwhelming fireworks explosion could not even keep the attention 3 kids who were so excited to see them. So tonight I decided to let last night’s exhibition speak for it self. I chose to stay in tonight and catch up on some schoolwork. Just as I was tearing into some realty law, it started.

I never thought the rockets red glare would find a home in Deltona. In Central Florida you can purchase agricultural fireworks for personal use from dealers with a simple wink. As fun as this was for me the night before, it turned out to be something special tonight. I was reading and heard the explosions outside. I thought I would check it out and see how many people had winked at the firework dealers. Millions!!

The city of Deltona was putting on quite a show to the north. I was amazed by the extravagant show they put on for a retirement town!! The real entertainment came from what seemed to be hundreds of mini firework shows going on all around me. Every direction I turned, I saw whistles and explosions of color. It was very entertaining.

After a few minutes I returned inside to continue with my studies, but to my dismay the sporadic crackle of a few mortar shells, turned into the overture of 1812 in an instant. It seemed as the city of Deltona was beginning the finally, the citizens also caught wind, deciding to take note and also fill the sky with mortars. As I observed the spectacle, I was taken back by the sky being filled brilliant colors of light in every direction.

America can learn from this. We all love fireworks. There are simple things can bring us together, things to rally behind for the greater good. It is amazing how patriotic we can be when given the chance. All around me people were enjoying a day set aside to remember the day our nation was established. As we celebrate this day, maybe we can work to make America’s Independence Day one the all people who inhabit this land can enjoy. Maybe we can make a 360 from where we have been in this country and start to look around. Then we would see that we are all the same and created equal just as our forefathers established on that day!!

Happy 4th!!

Independence Day is a special day for all Americans and all people. The Declaration of Independence in 1776 marked a change in colonialism and marks the birth of our great nation. However, the best part of Independence Day is not the fireworks, it is the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest. I am about to be glued to my television for this event as I am placing bets with my brother in law!! America has a new hero and his name is Takeru Kobayashi!!

Oh yeah, don’t forget to vote!!

Superman Returns - A quick review

If you have not seen Superman Returns, do not read this blog!!!

I just saw Superman tonight…Wow!! I must say that I was a little skeptical coming into the show because the new Superman was an unheard of guy from a soap opera!! Add to the fact they have been trying to make this move for the last decade and have been unsuccessful made me wonder if the legend of superman ended with Christopher Reeve. Boy was I wrong. This version of superman hit the nail right on the head. It did not miss on any level. It was a perfect combination of action and plot that kept me entertained as much as I was emotionally moved. Two thumbs way up.

So the movie has me here thinking about a couple of things that I must write before I go to bed tonight…here goes, hopefully I will spell things right and use all the right there’s!!!

A. Kryptonite

It is funny how a phrase from pop culture can become iconic in stature. Kryptonite, although Krypton is a real element, is just a made up item from the old superman comics. The real krypton is a gas found in the air, thanks wikipedia!! The character of Superman is something most people aspire too. Being strong, noble, and having a chiseled jaw line never hurt anyone I’m sure. Yet the trait I think we most identify with Superman is his weakness to kryptonite. We all have something that makes us weak and mortal. In this movie, superman must face an entire island of kryptonite even if it means his death. His determination to prevail in spite of eminent danger makes him even more of a hero. I think this is why we love him so much. He only has one weakness world, yet he would face that for the greater good. We all have our own weaknesses. Each time we are able to overcome our weakness; it makes you feel like you have a red cape on too. I think there is a little superman in all of us. That’s a good feeling to have.

B. Reading too much into it…maybe…maybe not??

As I was watching the movie, I pondered the character of Superman as a Christ like figure. This always happens in these types of movies were people want to draw the character into something they can relate to in their personal lives. I often try to dismiss these types of events because they often seem cheesy and farfetched. Many people said this about the matrix trilogy and Neo’s character also. When I go to a movie I watch it for entertainment purposes only. I recognize the movie making process as an art form and try not to breath to much into it. Yet, I understand that just like an artist, director’s can be influenced by many elements, both direct and abstract. They also can convey those influences, both directly and in a symbolic allusion to something deeper. It is difficult for me to separate the two now because in all I do, JC is always in the back of my mind. I am sitting here pondering if I am making the connection because I want to, or were their some undertones in the movie that I picked up on?? Anyone that has seen the movie please tell me you saw a couple scene’s towards the end that made you wonder if it was done on purpose?? Or just tell me I am crazy and that will be fine too!! Or I have to hope the DVD has a director’s commentary!!! At least now I can try to get some sleep!!